Chick-Fil-A Announces First LGBTQ+ Location
Posted 3/22/2021, 9:15am
Have you ever fantasized about Chick-Fil-A sauce flavored lube? if the answer is yes, then today may just be your day.
Longtime stalwart and cult-classic in the fried chicken game, Chick-Fil-A (www.chick-fil-a.com) called a President Trump-style Press Conference on Monday Morning following their standard Sunday closure, promising "the biggest news you'll hear in 2021", and calling their announcement "an absolute game-changer. The chicken game will never be the same".
As I walked into the conference with my mics hot and a million thoughts running through my head, I never imagined what I was actually about to hear. CFA's dynamic wife-and-wife duo, Vice President of Diversity and Inclusion & Vice President of Inclusion & Diversity, Emma & Madeline Scott made the announcement alongside CEO Dan Cathy that they have been entertaining the idea of a LGBTQ+ friendly location. "As of today, we have finally gained the final green-light from Pope Francis to move forward with the pilot program, which we anticipate to be a flaming success".
Limited information was available to us at the time of press, but here's what we know:
The recently-announced Brady Street location, linked below, will not be LGBTQ+ friendly, although we do hope to plan a gay bar crawl that will stop there for some snaccs.
The location of the LGBTQ+ location is to be in the historically gay Walker's Point neighborhood, as part of a larger development on the vacant lot located across 1st Street from D.I.X.
What makes this location LGBTQ+? Good question - not many details were provided, so we are still trying to figure it out for ourselves. Our wishlist is below, let us know what you‘d like to see in the comments!
~ Rainbow chicken, fries, and shakes
~ Cute, yet toxic, twinks at the register who call you "honey" or "mama"
~ Employee requirement for dyed hair
~ Lunch for Throuples menu
~ Condoms and poppers in the condiment stand
~ Condiment-flavored lube (can you imagine Chick-Fil-A sauce lube?!)
~ Hot Dogs and other Beef products, because they are inclusive of all meats
~ All prices end in .69 (nice!)
~ Wisconsin, Iowa, and Minnesota cashiers who say "semen you next time!"
~ A special Oxygen Network or TLC spinoff show
~ Special “cutting szn” menu for the muscle gays
~ Drag Sundays, featuring Drag Shows and rainbow-fried chicken
~ Year round discounts for circuit gear
~ Free air for bottoms
(Renderings Courtesy of Chick-Fil-A Corporation)
A timeline has not yet been established for this first-of-its-kind legend that is sure to make waves in the LGBTQ+ and Chicken Fetish communities alike. We will update this story as details emerge.
Semen you next time, daddies
Richard Taste is Nightly Reporter and Senior Editor at Wisconsin News Today since January of 2021. Dick has studied worldwide, from Oxford to Yale, and has been featured in publications such as Playboy Magazine, the New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. In his free time, Mr. Taste enjoys traveling the streets of beautiful West Allis, Wisconsin with his mail-order wife, Svetlana.