City of Milwaukee to Change All Iconic Street Names to More Generic Nomenclature
Updated: Feb 23
Posted 2/4/2021, 6:00pm
Miller Parkway? Forget about it.
Water Street? Never heard of her.
Old World Third Street? Nope.
Brady Street? Nah bro.
In an effort to combat rising levels of SJW loudness, The City of Milwaukee has made the decision to move forward with the renaming of some of our most historic streets to a more generic nomenclature that EVERYONE will hate equally, rather than the current state of being liked by some and disliked by others.
The move has been championed by American Family Insurance, the new namesake sponsor of The Stadium Formerly Known As Miller Park. American Family Insurance is a privately-held insurance firm based out of Madison, Wisconsin ( www.amfam.com ). "We were able to successfully rename Milwaukee's beloved Miller Park, so we figured, hell, why not just keep going until they run us out of town?" said a spokesperson for American Family Insurance who spoke with Wisconsin News Today on condition of anonymity.
Among those named above are approximately 10 more streets with their names on the AmFam's hitlist. Per American Family Insurance, "that number will increase as we get bored and come up with more shitty names. The goal is to hide dirty words in as many of them as possible, in order to cause the biggest stir imaginable".
Owners of local establishments are rightfully peeved. Owners of Water Street Brewery, Club Brady, Who's On Third, and Farwell Apartments have already begun the name change process and are actively working on their rebranding efforts. "As if the AmFamSlamClam wasn't bad enough, now we're losing our most iconic street names and our own namesake" said Club Brady owner Jimmy Yanutz.
This is a developing story and will be updated as we identify more victims.
If you're feeling a little upset about this news, just hit up Miller at www.molsoncoors.com to let them know just how upset you are about the namechange. Beg. Plead. We beg and plead of you.
Richard Taste is Nightly Reporter and Senior Editor at Wisconsin News Today since January of 2021. Dick has studied worldwide, from Oxford to Yale, and has been featured in publications such as Playboy Magazine, the New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. In his free time, Mr. Taste enjoys traveling the streets of beautiful West Allis, Wisconsin with his mail-order wife, Svetlana.