Wisconsin News Today's Weekly Horoscope 3/15/21


Aries: March 21 – April 19

Good fortune is upon you when you discover a crisp $20 bill at the foot of your mother’s casket.🤑


Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Beware of men wearing the color taupe.😲


Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Your energy is contagious! And so are you. Stay inside for the next couple days. 🤒


Cancer: June 21 – July 22

You will embark upon an unexpected trip when you are summoned to jury duty. 😳


Leo: July 23 – August 22

Your birthday will fall on a Saturday this year. 😉


Virgo: August 23 – September 22

I see a new relationship in your future! But you’re far too clingy so it won’t last. 😔


Libra: September 23 – October 22

Be wary of those closest to you, for they smell the worst. 🥴


Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

The end is nigh. 😊


Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

You need to de-stress! Drink 20 beers tonight. 😋


Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

See a doctor immediately. 😜


Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Ed Sheehan will appear at the foot of your bed tonight holding a briefcase containing $20,000. Take it without question. Drive to Cody, WY and use the money to buy a ranch. Start a farm where you solely produce soy beans and vintage replicas of those old Ronald McDonald statues that sat on benches (you know the ones). In 5 years time, a man named “Shampoo” will offer to go halfsies on the ranch. Take the deal. Leave immediately for St. Petersburg. You will live the rest of your life there as a twitch streamer who only plays Luigi’s Mansion. 🙂


Pisces: February 19 – March 20

You’re quirky! Go show off your creativity at an art expo! 🥸


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